In mindful or nonviolent communication, feelings are the second element (after observations) that helps us express ourselves fully, in a way that people can more easily hear. It is important to notice that in everyday language people often use the word “feel” without actually expressing a feeling. If we use such words in a dialogue, there is a great risk that the other person starts defending themselves or that we lose self-connection and thus connection with them.

So, in Nonviolent Communication there is a distinction between words that describe our feelings and words that describe our thoughts, interpretations, judgements and projections. In the printout you can find words that pretend to be feelings, but are actually our interpretation of what we think someone is doing to us. Consider becoming aware of these and substituting them.

So, think of a topic you're really wanting to be heard by someone over. Have a clear idea of 6 sentences that you'd like to say. Notice any of the words from this list that are in your mind, and consider asking yourself: "How do I feel when I think that he/she is doing it to me"? Use the basic big five as initial guidance where its helpful: mad, sad, glad, scared or disgusted.